Bienvenidos!

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I am coloured in blue, violet, grey and black.

Blue, because my Grandpa has been in hospital for two weeks. Confused, hallucinating, off his legs. I still don't know what the trigger was. But as soon as he went in and wasn't sent home I began to suspect that he would not leave. He is old and frail. The hospitals are slowly being filled with the sickest patients. And a social discharge may not have been a high priority. So he stayed in. And then the lockdowns began. Visiting was restricted. My mum had been going every day. Last week I drove over to deliver loo roll and presents for the upcoming cluster of birthdays, and wanted to go and see him, only to be told that day that visiting was being suspended for all patients. My mum was distraught. They told us he had a fever. They told us he had a cough. They told us he had bilateral pneumonia. Today they told us he has tested positive for Coronavirus. My lovely, easygoing Grandpa is now dying alone.

Violet, angry at this virus for robbing families of the last moments with dying relatives.
People get old. Old people get sick. Sick old people die. But they should be able to die surrounded by those who love them, not alone in a side room cared for by ghosts in gowns and masks. How dare this virus do this!

Grey. Washed out by the impotence of my anger in the face of this impersonal contagion. We were not chosen. There is no vendetta. It is indiscriminate so my anger is directionless. A drop of ink in the ocean.

Black
Black
Black

There is no light at the end of this tunnel yet.

7:01 p.m. - 2020-03-26

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