Bienvenidos!

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Get me out of my skin

So this Glee business. I recognise it now, the infatuated addiction. I've had them on and off since I was a child, when something has caught my imagination and made me wish so hard that I was this thing, other than myself, that it would consume my thoughts every waking moment and make me incredibly crabby until it worked its way out of my system. I honestly thought I had grown out of them, but apparently not. I think the particularly galling thing is realising so completely now I'm an adult that that time for potential, having your whole future ahead, is gone. Gone, gone gone. It's depressing.

So who else earned this honour?

First one I remember is Bucky O'Hare, from a short- lived early 90s cartoon. Green space rabbit. Yep. I so desperately wanted to be like Willy du Whit and find a portal in my bedroom leading to the Rigteous Indignation that I would repeatedly look under my bed and in the wardrobe and get really cross that all I found was dust and clothes. I was devastated when the series finished. I now have them all on DVD.

Then it was Long John Silver as played by Tim Curry in Muppet Treasure Island. I don't know what it was about his roguish scoundrel, but I would fantasise about some dreadful accident leading to me having my leg lopped off so I could be a real pirate all the time. I used to pause and rewind my favourite bits over and over on the VHS; it would drive my mum mad.

Rum Tum Tugger.. but the classic version with the big ruff rather than the dumbass modern rapping incarnation. I would knock together a vague approximation of the costume and dance my favourite scenes in my bedroom.

Hugh Jackman's Wolverine. I went through a phase of blow drying my (short, dyed black) hair in a way that gave me those little peaked ear- like bits at the back. I thought I looked awesome at the time..

Matthew from the All Souls trilogy.. but then again I've also had a long-standing obsession with vampires. Dressing in monochrome, trying to perfect those cat- like movements..

And then Love Under Will, an as yet unfinished piece of slash (gay) Harry Potter fan fiction that I first read in 6th form. Oh man, I think that was one of the worst, although not from a wanting to be them this time. I was just obsessed with the story. I used to haunt that fan fic/ fan art website, hunting down manga drawings of Harry and Draco to pin up in my locker at school. I've been a sucker for a gay love story ever since. And I never even found out how it ended because the author never completed it!

(Notice how none of these have been female characters? I don't think there's ever been a female character I have wanted to embody in the same way I have wanted to be these males..)

And now Kurt and Blaine. Again, obsessed. To the point where I'm writing expanded versions of my favourite scenes just to carry a bit more of their story round in my head. Daydreaming. Falling asleep with their kisses on repeat behind my eyelids.

This too shall pass, but until then I will be mooning like a teenager...

8:45 p.m. - 2020-08-23

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