Bienvenidos!

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happy birthday meg!

ok so its a bit later than i was intending...

well, i'm home again, came back for meggy moo's birthday, so much fun and merriment all round, and she gave me about five slippery nipples (you know, held me down and forced me to drink them...) but the tipsyness is starting to wear off now. now i just feel sleepy. but twas very fun - about eight of us went to leonard's for a meal then back to meg's for cake and drinks.

ian isnt on again so i should probably go to bed, but thought i'd update seeing as i havent for a while. i brought a couple of books back intending to get some work done this weekend but didnt, so i have way too much left over for tomorrow. oh well, kind of serves me right.

he's told me twice that he misses me. i mean, thats almost as much as when we started going out! and i had about four of his messages in my phone inbox - he's not sent that many in such a short space of time for ages! but meh. i really do miss him. i'm finding it hard to even think that it might be over, what we had. its made worse by his 'i miss you' messages, even if he was drunk when he sent them.

wow, i'm really tired...

hmmm, i really dont know what to say now. i could go on about ian forever but that accomplishes nothing. i had a thought the other day. just the one.

questions you ask me:
why do you write about me in your diary?
why not just tell me face to face?

questions i ask you:
if i asked you something, would you answer me honestly and fully?
would i like the answer?
would i be better off not asking at all?

i think there was another one as well but i cant remember it.

i started writing another crappy poem a couple of weeks back. i feel pretentious when i write in non-rhyming verse but immature when i do, so i might just abandon my attempt to be artistic. mind you, 'are you there' was kind of poetic in a non-rhyming way.

i dreamed about him again last night. it doesnt matter if its a good dream or a bad dream anymore, they both make me feel sad. the bad ones for just the way they are, and the good ones for not being true.

i should go to bed soon, but now i dont want to, because he signed in and i rarely get a chance to talk online anymore. we'll see.

~ nox ~

PS: i got a sober confirmation... now i dont know what to say. wow that adrenaline was pumping, what a way to induce tachycardia!

12:17 a.m. - 2004-10-03

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