Bienvenidos!

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Open my eyes to truth

Sitting outside the boys' room again. But tonight they had a tiny tot of melatonin and I think - I think - they are asleep. They are 'camping' in the play tent again tonight after we did the big Indoors Weekender with the Cubs and Beavers on Saturday and Sunday. Campfire at home, crafts, indoor den building and camping.. lots of fun.

I went back to work two weeks ago. As soon as I had the discussion with the GP about feeling ok and not having another sick note I felt my neck and shoulders tense up. I have been slogging at this for so long trying to convince myself it's what I want, but I don't. I hate it. So I've had enough. I told my supervisors I want to withdraw from the training programme. And I don't actually know what I'm going to do..I don't know whether to jack medicine in completely or give Histopath a try.. I need to go and shadow them a bit more and get a sense of what the day job is like.
If I left medicine completely what would I do? It's been my whole life since I was 18; I've no idea what work outside of medicine is like. I signed up for the singing mamas choir leader training in November.. whether I'd have the confidence to lead a choir myself I don't know but I'd like to try. What about undertaking? I don't mind the dead. There's a sense of completeness in conducting someone's last ritual. I am thinking about looking for a proper mentor, someone who has left medicine successfully, just to see what their take on it all is.

I don't want to be sad and stressed about my job any more.

9:34 p.m. - 2020-07-13

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