Bienvenidos!
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dream dictionaries can get stuffed!
yes, yes, i know i should be choosing my SSMs, but i'll do that in a minute. i've already done 5, although they extended the choice deadline to monday (gits). i could have done 4 yesterday but meh. anyway.
i had a truly awful dream last night. it's the first time a dream has made me cry on waking, although the relief when i did finally wake up was unbelievable. i dreamed mario had died of a pulmonary embolism whilst i was away in california - the news floored me, i sobbed and sobbed. when i got back i had to help pick out the clothes he would be buried in, but i couldnt. i couldnt believe he was gone, and how everyone else was carying on as normal. i watched them carry him off to the mortuary on a slab, i was just broken... i woke up and saw him asleep there and gasped 'oh thank god,' but i still cried. its weird how much it affected me, even though it wasnt real.
anyway. other stuff. exams are now a week and a bit away, so i really need to crack on with the revision. i hate exams. had a kind of epiphany at fencing yesteday. i've been feeling rather annoyed at my performance in foil lately - i don't feel like i'm improving and i'm getting disheartened so i try less and my performance deteriorates further. i had my first two bouts yesterday against henry and mario and just let them walk all over me. i didnt even try. and it was making me feel worse. my last two bouts were against rooban and andrea (new italian guy. unused to new timings, will be a killer when he's back in practice) and i really wasnt looking forward to the matches. mario followed me outside where i'd slumped on the bench and tried to talk me out of my mood. it didnt feel like it was having any effect and i still felt rubbish, but when i was called back to the piste i just thought oh what the heck, set my en garde stance a bit lower and upped my aggression about ten notches. and to my utter surprise, it worked! my blade movements were better, my distance improved, i got my ripostes and renewals in, and i won the match. and even against andrea, i was fencing better than i have done in a while, and only lost by one point. so muchos thanks to mario, and hopefully i'll be able to carry on in this new frame of mind. i wasn't enjoying foil much before yesterday - now, i'm starting to like it again.
my other piece of happy happy news - i'm going to venice treviso avec le mario! i can't wait, we booked it on wednesday, and it took me into my overdraft but never mind, i can make it back over summer. we're going at the end of august, just before my term starts again. only for three nights, but it should be fun. :-D
anyway, i really should get back to choosing this bloody SSM. i've aldready got about 5 that look interesting; i just need to pick two more from the ones that are left. SSMs suck ass. the best one i ever did was the first one, the other two were just rubbish. oh well. will see.
12:37 p.m. - 2005-06-24
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