Bienvenidos!
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Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...
Today was an ok day, slightly marred by my chicken-ness this afternoon. Neonatology is going well; I'm not attached to a group of students like I was the past two weeks. Instead, I'm shadowing Dra. Solano (Dra Hortensia Solano, which for some reason always makes me think of big green viney plants), a senior neonatologist based in both the Hospital Del Ni�o and in the Maternity Hospital. Yesterday I had a mini tour, examined some babies, saw neonate venepuncture (not done very well) watched an appalling delivery and hung around for a bit, and today I had more examination teaching, a bit about hypoglycaemia and fluid maintenance, did some blood glucose tests and went to follow-up clinic.
The delivery was awful because no-one was talking to the labouring mother, she didn't have anyone with her (like the father or a friend), she was shaved, scrubbed, iodined, put in lithotomy stirrups, draped and ordered to push. I think she had a routine episiotomy too. The baby was born fairly quickly, then whisked away to be dried and checked, and she got to be with him for a total of about three minutes before they took him away. The attending doctors (no midwives for the charity cases), after delivering the placenta still without saying a word, left her spreadeagled on the bed, in pain, with no-one to talk to and her baby all the way across the room on its trolley. In my faltering spanish, I asked her if she was ok and if she wanted to hold him for a bit. They looked so happy together until one of the doctors told me (I think) to put him back as he would get cold. I couldn't even begin to explain about the studies showing that skin to skin contact is best so I just did as he said. I was really disheartened by the whole thing, and no-one would tell me why they take the babies away. I have to ask that tomorrow.
It was starting to rain when I left and after having lunch Mario watched the match whilst I half-watched, reading my book. (The Time Traveler's Wife. Finished it today and it made me sob.) Italy won, so his family are pleased. I felt a bit bad for Germany though. I mean, one goal in the last 2 minutes is bad enough, but scoring another one 30 seconds later just adds insult to injury. I think we'll be going to watch the final in a pizzeria somewhere. This will be the first time I've ever given the football World Cup any attention at all and I'm half surprised at myself. I never usually watch sports on TV. Then we were supposed to go fencing, but I keep almost panicking. It's so stupid. At first I felt a bit out of place because I couldn't really join in because of the language barrier - Mario can talk and join in their jokes and stuff but I'm completely lost. Then there's my hang-up about having to do improvised work. I've been like it since primary school and I honestly thought I'd grow out of it but nope, as soon as I'm told to just practice on my own in a room full of people I can't. I clam up, I want the floor to swallow me or myself to just fold up and up until I'm not there anymore. I hate the way it makes me feel and I hate that I'm not brave enough to tell myself to stop being stupid and get on with it. And today we were late so I was worrying because we'd have to do the warm up after everyone else - cue panic again. I couldn't face it and asked if we could go home. I hate myself for it. I have no respect for myself at the moment and no idea how I'm going to get over it. And I feel even more guilty because Mario used up 8.5kg of his luggage allowance carting my kit over and now I'm being too much of a wuss to use it. Ugh. I suck sometimes.
6:54 p.m. - 2006-07-04
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