Bienvenidos!
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Look at the stars, look how they shine for you
I'm going to update without going through my usual ritual of catching up on everyone else's updates first. This is partly so I don't forget what I wanted to write about, and partly because I feel really spaced out this afternoon and maybe typing will ground me a bit. I apologise if I miss any typos in this entry. I'm really having to concentrate on what my fingers are doing on the keyboard today, and that's unusal for me. And for some reason it feels like the desk is slowly tipping over. I think it's just because I'm having this weird dizzy spell and keep leaning further and further to the left. I must look drunk or something. I sometimes wonder if I'm on the diabetic threshold. One day in clinical skills in first year we were doing blood glucose tests, and I hadn't had any breakfast that day because of a really bad stomach ache in the morning yet my blood glucose level was still quite high. I went and had a fasting test, which they said was at the 'higher end of normal'. And I know hypoglycaemia doesn't tend to affect diabetics unless they overdose with insulin, but sometimes I do feel really not with it, like I'm watching everything through a thick glass screen and listening through cotton woll. My balance goes, too. It might just be due to a drop in blood pressure, as mine is pretty low already (the baby GP couldn't even find it last time! hah! She had to check the other arm to make sure she wasn't just hearing things...).
Anyway. Mum told me this weekend that one of her cousins died on Saturday. Aspiration pneumonia. I don't think I knew him, but I felt really bad for her. And a guy who I used to know's brother as well, and he was only thirty (tenuous link, but still...). Plus it's the funeral for my great-aunt's daughter-in-law today. Liver cancer. It all made me feel quite sad yesterday evening.
I've decided I don't like psychiatry. I dread the ward work just as much as I did clinical stuff in second year. Neurology is fine, even though we get hardly any ward time. And I really need to brush up on my functional anatomy. I blame it all on Ian. If I hadn't gone for his birthday in first year I would have read the textbook and made notes on it and now I wouldn't find everything so confusing. Wards in psychiatry seem such a waste of time... There are generally only one or two patients who want to talk to you, and even then they're not the 'core cases' faculty have decided we should see, and when you go to another ward they complain that they've already had too many students and the patients don't want to see any more. Couple this with having very little teaching in psychiatric history-taking and you get very frustrated medical students! I was half tempted to write my own glandular fever --> depression --> nearly anorexia history to make up the numbers a bit. Nearly anorexia... I had all the avoidance things going on but didn't carry it on long enough to lose much weight. Then I kind of realised I was being stupid and started acting normally again.
It's our first trophy match on Wednesday. I'm in lectures. I could skip them and make the match but then if we win I'll have to skip again and that'll look suspicious. But if I don't skip, I'm not sure how the team will do. They do pretty well without me normally, but I like to be there. It will be so disappointing if we get knocked out in the first round. The men's team did really well, winning the league and the division, with a chance at promotion to the premiership. The ladies did better than last year, but we're nowhere near the same standard as the guys. Although, I did get more hits than usual on Mario the other day, so I felt slightly better.
I'm very aware that this entry is mainly full of rambling nothingness, so I will leave it here and go back to feeling like the world is falling over. Laters all.
3:12 p.m. - 2006-02-27
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